What Are “Big Feelings” — and How Can We Help Kids Navigate Them?

Have you ever seen a child melt down over something that seemed small? A broken crayon, spilled juice, or putting on the wrong socks? To a child, these moments can feel enormous. These are what we call "big feelings" — and they're a normal part of growing up.

What Are Big Feelings?
Big feelings are strong emotions like anger, sadness, fear, frustration, excitement, or worry. For young children, these feelings can be overwhelming because they haven’t yet developed the tools to understand or manage them.

Why Do Kids Struggle With Big Feelings?
Children’s brains are still developing, especially the part that helps with self-control and reasoning. This means their feelings often come out in raw, expressive ways. They might cry, shout, stomp, or go silent. They aren’t trying to be difficult — they’re asking for help.

How Caregivers Can Help

• Model Calm Responses: Show children how to respond, not react.

• Validate Their Feelings: Saying "That made you really mad, huh?" helps kids feel understood.

• Create a Safe Space: Let them know it's okay to feel what they’re feeling.

• Use Simple Tools: Deep breathing, movement, drawing, or a quiet cuddle can help.

A Tool to Try: Belly Breathing with the Pinwheel
Teach kids to take slow belly breaths using a pinwheel or stuffed animal. Watching the pinwheel spin helps them focus and slow down their breath, which calms the body and mind.